So here I am...

So here I am, sitting on the couch...but it's okay because I worked my butt off today!  I circuit trained, I snow shoed, I did laundry...I was busy!  I am now tired and sore!  Especially my knees.  I'm not really feeling much like writing.  I am just meandering...

I wanted to spend the evening with my husband in a tidy living room, watching a movie.  Here I sit with my hsuband in his chair, the living room a disaster, and hockey on the TV.  yay.  so very exciting.  not what i pictured when I asked him not to work the overtime shift.  I might as well have had him work overtime, at least then he would be providing extra cash to our budget.  Oh well, at least we're together.

And laughing!  he has his pants pulled up above his waist!!!  too funny!  husband and children are going to see the dancing lights in the library park and I am going to have a hot hot bath...ahhhh....me-time!

Life is good!

Fat and miserable

Well, here I sit, feeling like Jabba the hut...fat and miserable...mean and nasty.  Not happy, not smiley, no song wanting to burst forth.  Miserable, mean, and fat.  Partly because I have had the flu but mostly because I haven't been doing anything.  I haven't been eating healthy, I haven't been exercising...I'm sad and fat and lonely (Earl's been on evening shift)...I've rejoined Biggest Loser Club and will be returning to our gym this week (with Earl! Yay!)...I'm looking for a Bootcamp Challenge group through Biggest Loser - this will be accountability for what I eat and drink...The gym, of course, is the gym!  There is my accountability for exercise!  It's the best gym ever!  And, the gym will give my points for the Bootcamp challenge!  Win win!  And, hopefully, my body will react positively by slimming down and muscling up (as much as a woman's body can muscle up naturally)...

When I don't exercise, I am so very unhappy.  There are many things in my life that make me unhappy.  But I am working on doing the things that make me happy - like writing in this blog.  I used to write every minute of the day, but lately I've written nothing.  So the blog will help me move past that unhappiness.  Being fat makes me unhappy - so I will exercise and take part in the bootcamp challenges.  That will increase the endorphins and make me happy again!  I hate being a miserable bitch all the time.  I hate that all I want to do is curl up and cry.  I hate feeling like all I do is yell.  I want to interact with my children in a positive way, but at the end of the day I rush to make supper, I rush to get laundry done, I rush to get them washed and in bed on time...I don't feel there is quality time in the evenings when Earl isn't home.  It's rush rush rush...yell yell yell.  Pick up your toys, brush your teeth, put on your jammies, no you can't have a cookie, no you can't sit on my lap there isn't time...no you can't...no you can't...no you can't....

So, I'm getting to the root of the problem.  ME....I am not happy with me and it is reflected in my dealings with Earl and my children.  So, how do I become happy again?  ME...exercise and eat well, hopefully lose weight eventually...if I am happy with me I will be happy to everyone else.  I love my husband and I love my children - now I have to learn to love me again so I can show them I love them.  Does that make sense?

Step one - I journalled my food for the day - honestly - and it was painful...2300 calories...Yikes!  But, I was honest and that is a good start.

To the future!

Great Weekend

Well, what a busy weekend!  We had a work Christmas party on Friday night for my husband's work...Then off to Edmonton on Saturday where I spent the day with 2 strangers shopping at West Edmonton Mall!  (Wives of 2 people my husband works with in the Reserves), then a Mess Function Saturday night, more shopping Sunday and a nice visit with a friend Sunday afternoon!

So, work Christmas party...It was lots of fun!  Great conversation, nice visiting!  It was all going great until someone decided to make out in the bathroom with a lady who wasn't his wife...and then the wife walked in...!  Youch, that pretty much ended the party!  I heard the guy in question may have ended up with a broken nose, but I haven't heard for sure...Other than that, good time!

On Saturday, I agreed to spend the day shopping with 2 people I have never met before.  I was a little nervous, spending all those hours with people I don't know?  I'm a little shy and can often be stand-offish...but these two ladies were amazing!  What a fantastic time!  We wandered around West Edmonton Mall (I bought a few things, nothing major)...bought a shirt for the husband of one of the ladies and bought a bow tie for Earl...It was fun!

That night, drank a lot of wine, danced so much my legs hurt!  Great conversations, great dancing!  What a wonderful night!  Earl puked after we returned to the hotel room - some people should know when to stop drinking!  He is hurting today (he had to work at his regular job tonight)...but it was worth it!  I loved the 2 ladies I met - Amy and Robin...I hope I will have the opportunity to see them again outside of a military function!  We've invited Amy and her husband, Derek, for Christmas dinner...I hope they can make it because I feel the need to entertain!  I love throwing parties and just haven't done any in a great many years!

With the shopping, I realized I really want to lose weight and tone up.  I want to shop at stores like Jacob and buy beautiful things to wear!  Jacob had some wonderful sales, but nothing fits me.  Additional Elle fits me, but doesn't have nice things and the sales suck.  Very disappointing.  So, I need to set up the treadmill again and get my butt back to Jo at the gym!  I want to be physically strong and toned.  I want to be healthy and fit.  I want to be able to wear nice clothes and look fantastic in them!  I want energy and vitality and life!  I want to be able to do pushups and run long distances....

To that end, I need to go back to not eating at Mcdonald's and to bringing my own meals to work.  Eat breakfast at home, bring a snack for coffee time, drink my tea, bring lunch, eat a healthy snack when I get home after work...healthy supper...water...I know what to do, but just don't consistently practice it.  Why?  Why don't I?  Well, now I will.

Thanks for listening!